When I grow up I want to have bad oral hygiene

No one ever says, "when I grow up I want to have bad oral hygiene," but chances are if you have kids you do. I had a very hectic morning this morning, 3 girls to get up and dressed, one to get to school, 3 dogs to get outside, 5 fish to feed, two cats to take care of and I had to be in Durand for a teachers conference at 8 am, which is a half hour from my house. So I had to have everyone ready for their day and leave my house by 7:30 am. Just a side note that my husband only had to get up and wash himself and leave for work and it's important to note that he had the time to wash himself. So as I was about to leave I realized I had yet to brush me teeth but I was running late and I didn't have time to do it, so I grabbed my tooth brush and a tube of toothpaste and threw it in my purse and decided I'd brush my teeth when I got to work. There was a day not too many years back when I would have never, ever left the house without having brushed my teeth, and I would absolutely never have put my tooth brush into my purse with god knows what kind of bacteria in it, but those days are gone!!! So when I got to work I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. After a few minutes I found myself getting really bored, and then I thought how weird that I feel bored brushing my teeth, and then it occured to me that I haven't stood in the same spot to brush my teeth in almost 7 years. AS a matter of fact if there were a competition based on brushing your teeth while accomplishing other tasks I would certainly win. I can brush my teeth and switch the laundry, answer the phone, fix 3 little girls' hair, load the dishwasher, prepare breakfast, vacuum and start my van, and these are only a few examples. Of course the downside to all of this multitasking is that I pay no attention to how well my teeth are being brushed and I very rarely have time to check to make sure all of gunk is out of my braces. I just tell myself when I grow old and my teeth fall out I can blame it all on my kids! All of this is so ironic because, I never let my kids leave the bathroom with their toothbrush and I would never let them go anywhere without brushing their teeth! Too bad they don't afford me the same courtesy. Perhaps when they are all 30 years old I show up for random visits to interrupt their hygiene rituals....................and I haven't even discussed not getting a shower!

Packing

Everytime my family goes away for an overnight visit I begin thinking about what I need to pack up to two weeks ahead of time. Now this doesn't mean that I'm super organized, it just means I'm super paranoid! As a matter of fact I often don't even begin to pack until the last minute. I hate packing for all five us. Hate may not even be a strong enough word. I put it off as long as possible because to me it is like doing a 5000 piece puzzle. I'm so overwhelmed by the idea of packing that I have to force myself to actually start doing it. I can't be certain where this fear of packing came from. Once Jake and I took Maddy to the Mall of America and she puked all over herself in her carseat in the parking lot. So while I drove around for 10 minutes trying to find a parking spot Jake dry-heaved out the window and we both tried to figure out how we would handle the mess. Well, we had a good plan until we actually got parked and figured out that I hadn't packed a diaper bag. We had one change of clothes for her in the back of the car, one plastic walmart bag and ONE baby wipe. Well we managed to get her clean, I don't know how but we did it. So I'm not sure why anything would scare me about a trip that I'm trying to prepare for. I think it has to be the fear of what may happen. We have had anything and everything happen and no matter how hard I try I just can't be prepared for everything, and when I'm over prepared I get crap for how much stuff is in the car! My mind just spins at the thought, what should I take, diapers, wipes, pack and plays, medications, bandaids,soaps,shampoos,diaper cream, rash cream, hair detangler, hair ties, brushes, combs, tooth brushes, tooth paste, underpants, clothes, dress and/or casual, shoes, coats, swimwear swim diapers, towels, blankets, special stuff animals, nuks, sippy cups, bibs, snacks, and this is just the top of the list! I worry about whether or not we can get the things we need if I forget them. How far away is Walmart? I hate every minute of it! That being said, I've now started my list so I guess I ought to get packing for a trip to grandma's this weekend!

Bye-bye diapers

My 18 month old recently started showing an interest in using the potty. Now most mom's would say yippee to this kind of news, but I really have mixed feelings about it. As my last baby I'm a little sad to see the diapers go. With my older two I was happy to see them go, but I have been changing diapers for almost 7 years straight I can't imagine a day without it! I can't picture a world where I don't have to buy diapers and clip coupons and compare brands, fits, what leaks, what doesn't. I mean this is practically a science and has been at least a part time job for me! Not to mention my near obsession with what goes into the diaper, when, how much, how often, consistency of said item, color and the list goes on. I think I believe if I monitor this constantly I can control it and once it starts going into the potty I'm out of the loop. So Miss Maggie keeps telling me when she has to poop and I'm thinking about stalling her, what kind of wacko am I? But she is a baby, there is no need for this potty business. I mean, I will gladly continue collecting her stool for another year at least. Not to mention the thought of putting underwear on that little butt is just wrong! There is no way her pants would even stay up without a diaper. And so begins one of what I'm sure will be many things I'll see disappear over the next few years. Things that were staples in my daily routine for so long gone for good. I guess I'll have to find a way to deal with all of this change, but perhaps I can just start making everyone here chart their bathroom habits so I feel as though I'm in the loop? That wouldn't be asking too much of my family would it? Or maybe I'll just start putting diapers on the dog? Actually, diapers are probably not gone for ever, I'm sure I'll eventually have to change Jakes!

Little White Lies

I have found that parenthood is full of little white lies. Lies we tell our kids, lies we tell ourselves and lies our kids tell us. I would say the biggest thing I lie to my kids about is anything involved with food and eating! I lie all the time, every day, here is my public confession. I tell my kids almost daily that something on their plate was grown in their grandma's garden to entice them to eat. Yesterday she grew hot dogs. Interestingly enough they almost always believe me. I told my second child today that her creamed corn was candy corn, she gave it a try. I also always tell them they'll get no snack before bed if they don't eat their supper, and I'm always lying about that, I always let them have a snack anyway. I'm pretty sure they've got this one figured out, but I can't stand the thought of them going to bed with a hungry stomach. This is a two way street of course and they lie to me all the time about what they have eaten or why they can't eat something. I find green beans in the bathroom garbage, and food stuffed under booster seats all the time. My youngest is blatantly honest about her refusal to eat something, she commands the dogs to sit and throws her plate on the floor. Yesterday my oldest came home and told me that she was unable to eat her oranges for lunch because it is fall and the days are getting shorter and so her lunch hour was shorter and she just didn't have time to eat them. I would have to get her some points for that one. Although it does make me wonder yet again, how dumb she thinks I am. We also have fibs
around here about bathroom use. They say they did go when I know they didn't, or they went already and then tell me they didn't so they can get out of bed to go again. Or the baby tells me she pooped like every 10 minutes all day. The joke is going to be on her one of these days though because I'm not going to even check and then she'll have to sit in it. And I of course lie to myself all day long, telling myself they are all normal and I'm completely in control of the situation here, but deep down I know I'm not in control at all and if I had half a mind left I'd hire someone to take control around here! And, I'm also fairly certain they aren't all normal, I'm just hoping someday they move out.........................

Boogars

If there were a way to make money with or sell boogers, I could be a zillionaire! I estimate that in my now 6 yrs of being a mom I have probably collected 25 gallons of boogers. Sometimes I catch them with a kleenex, sometimes with my kids' shirts, sometimes with my shirt, and in a very desperate moment I have been known to catch them with my bare hand. I think before I had kids I knew that they had the occasional runny nose, but I had no idea that they are literally dripping these things all the time. From the day we brought our first daughter home we were sucking boogers out with a "booger sucker." Or putting saline drops into her nose to help get them to drain out, and she wasn't really sick, she just had boogers. By the time I had my second and third babies I pretty much gave up the booger sucking and stuck to the wait until it comes out and grab it method. I'm starting to think that maybe I attract the boogers. I mean, wherever I am they are. I can tell when they are going to come shooting out of my kids nose before they even do. I can sense when someone needs their nose wiped before I've even seen the actual snot. Now, I do think boogers are totally gross, and I'm pretty sure at one point in my life they made me gag, but I'm becoming totally immune to them. They don't gross me out anymore, I mean I grab other people's with my bare hands! I actually wear them on my clothes like jewelery or an accessory. And when I catch my self walking in to the grocery store with my slippers on and a big old snag smeared across the front of my shirt, I think to myself, "What have I become?" I used to wear real shoes, I used to wear clean and stylish clothes, and I never used to have kleenex stored in every compartment of my clothing and purse. And then I look over when Molly Jo says, "Mom, I ate my booger, it tasted like pizza." and I realize I've become someones mom.............

It is all fun and games until someone gets their head stuck

My least favorite time of day is between 4:00 and 5:00. For whatever reason my children are total animals at this time of day. There is screaming and crying, laying down on the floor, kicking. You name it. And, no matter what I try to keep them busy, absolutely nothing works. I suppose one reason I find this time of day so unbearable is that I'm trying to make supper, get everything out of backpacks and organized and get 2 kids up from nap (and they are not usually in good moods). And so each day the time approaches and so does the dread. Now I've tried to be smarter and work around this time, I've planned only the most fun things for the girls to do at this time, but everything always ends in a meltdown. I've tried to make supper in the morning or early afternoon so that all I have to do is heat up, all have been total failures. I still can not avoid the torture that is this time of day. Each day I hope and pray that my husband will arrive home just a little early to take some of the heat off of me, but this rarely happens as he is an intelligent human being and avoids this time of day like any sane person would. He says he is working but I'm pretty sure he is the guy driving home on 37 going 40 mph. Today I've had a few special delights, as I was fixing our pork chops for supper my 18 month old pulled my pants down around my ankles, on the flip side I guess I finally lost some weight, but I hope the neighbor guy didn't happen to be looking up into our house at the time. Maddy also brought a friend home today so the noise level and excitement has been especially intense. Right now there are 6 kids running around my house yelling and playing indian princesses, the irony of this is that Maddy's friend is native american so let's hope they stop playing before she gets picked up. And best of all during all of this commotion I couldn't hear the baby crying and was finally told by one of the children she had her head stuck in the girls bunkbeds, heaven only knows how long she was stuck in there becuase I was making supper and trying to pretend anyone would care what it tasted like. All I know is that by the time I got there she was so worked up I thought she was going to puke. I also contemplated calling the fire dept because she didn't come out that easily. I'd like to say that all of my problems at this time of day are related to the fact that my children are starving but there is no evidence of that as they very rarely eat their supper..........

The Outing

Our family stays home a lot. We generally take our kids out to do something about once every two weeks. There are a lot of factors involved with whether or not we decide to go somewhere. We learned quickly when our third arrived they would could no longer "plan" to do anything. Every time we plan to do something one of our kids gets sick, it is almost a 100% guarantee, so we no longer plan anything. The more children we've had the harder it gets to take them anywhere, but it seems that about every 2 weeks we can't stand being cooped up anymore and we start to consider it. Now I say consider it like we just walk out the door. Before we decide to go somewhere, we way about 1000 different factors. We consider individual moods, sleep schedules, bowl movements and the phase of of the moon, just to name a few. For example, we have learned the hard way not to take our children anywhere during a full moon. So anyway, we weigh our options carefully because one miscalculation and we are in for a torturous day. Just thinking about all of these factors is so exhausting that often times we decide not to do anything because it is just too hard. But once in a while we wake up optimistically and think, "we can do it." I suppose those who like surprise would like to go on an outing with us because you never know how it is going to end up. Sometimes there are laughs, sometimes tears, and sometimes puke. You just never know. Today we decided to go to the pumpkin patch and after 2 hours of getting ready and packing a bag, we were ready, or so we thought. When we arrived we saw that there was 6" of snow on the ground and when we left home there was none. We were not prepared for this. With tennis shoes on and socks on the baby's hands we got out of the car. Optimistically we plodded on through the snow determined to have a good time. The first thing we did was go on a hay ride, which was fun, a little cold but the driest thing we did all day. While on the ride I got to hear my 6 yr old tell the girl next to her that her sister, Molly was "special" and that she thought the wagon was magically floating along,and also that she understood English but did not speak it. WHAT? I almost died, it made me wonder what she says about me? We then played on very wet toys and a soggy hay fort, a freezing bouncy house. We did everything regardless of soaking wet mittens and feet, it was totally miserable, but no one complained. And then it hit me, the reason why we are willing to put ourselves through all of this for a little fun is because when we go and do something like this, no one complains, no matter what they don't complain............what a beautiful thing!